Making lesbians happy – one book at a time!


“You shouldn’t do that,” Layce said.

“Why not? Brushing your teeth for three whole minutes is like being dropped into place where time has truly stopped and it’s not a good place. It’s a tedious and long and boring location.”

“You could puncture your soft palate,” she said, nonchalantly.

That got my attention. I was rocking back and forth on my Indo Board pretending I was snowboarding and working on my senior balance skills. And brushing my teeth. The image of my palate being impaled by my Oral B electric toothbrush was an ugly one. I pulled the toothbrush out of my mouth and gingerly stepped off the board.


(okay, I wasn’t wearing heels)

“You’re not setting a good example. As the official Safety Captain, I say you should refrain from doing unsafe things,” Layce said.

“I’m safe. I’m safe all the time,” I said indignantly. Then I decided she was right. I didn’t tell her that, but I did examine my safety habits and took notes. See below:

I do sometimes get dressed on the way down our two flights of stairs, pulling a sweater over my head as I navigate up or down the stairs. I admit to occasionally texting while descending the stairs. I also don’t turn the light on in the morning, which means I go down the stairs under low light conditions without the benefit of a first cup of coffee. Good way to break my neck.

I was vacuuming and something got caught in it. I did not unplug it from the wall before I went digging around in it. Good way to lose a finger.

I fell in the pond because I was standing on rock and it tipped. Overreach on an unstable surface. Good way to drown.

I ordered Mrs. Patmore’s Pudding Black Tea and when I cut the box top I drew the blade toward me. Good way to sustain a wound to an internal organ.


If I caught Layce or Em doing any of the above activities they would be lectured on the importance of safety. I am a safety hypocrite. Do as I say, not as I do. That really should be on the Seven Deadly Sins list.


Needless to say, I don’t use my Indo Board while brushing my teeth. Three minutes is a very long time, but safety first.

The first book in a four-part series!


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Comments on: "SAFETY CAPTAIN" (1)

  1. You crack me up. I pick out my clothes, put my laptop in my bag, put on my rings all while using my electric toothbrush set at two minutes that I choose to cycle through twice because my OCD say 2 minutes is not nearly enough time….

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