Making lesbians happy – one book at a time!

SAFETY CAPTAIN

“You shouldn’t do that,” Layce said.

“Why not? Brushing your teeth for three whole minutes is like being dropped into place where time has truly stopped and it’s not a good place. It’s a tedious and long and boring location.”

“You could puncture your soft palate,” she said, nonchalantly.

That got my attention. I was rocking back and forth on my Indo Board pretending I was snowboarding and working on my senior balance skills. And brushing my teeth. The image of my palate being impaled by my Oral B electric toothbrush was an ugly one. I pulled the toothbrush out of my mouth and gingerly stepped off the board.

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(okay, I wasn’t wearing heels)

“You’re not setting a good example. As the official Safety Captain, I say you should refrain from doing unsafe things,” Layce said.

“I’m safe. I’m safe all the time,” I said indignantly. Then I decided she was right. I didn’t tell her that, but I did examine my safety habits and took notes. See below:

I do sometimes get dressed on the way down our two flights of stairs, pulling a sweater over my head as I navigate up or down the stairs. I admit to occasionally texting while descending the stairs. I also don’t turn the light on in the morning, which means I go down the stairs under low light conditions without the benefit of a first cup of coffee. Good way to break my neck.

I was vacuuming and something got caught in it. I did not unplug it from the wall before I went digging around in it. Good way to lose a finger.

I fell in the pond because I was standing on rock and it tipped. Overreach on an unstable surface. Good way to drown.

I ordered Mrs. Patmore’s Pudding Black Tea and when I cut the box top I drew the blade toward me. Good way to sustain a wound to an internal organ.

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If I caught Layce or Em doing any of the above activities they would be lectured on the importance of safety. I am a safety hypocrite. Do as I say, not as I do. That really should be on the Seven Deadly Sins list.

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Needless to say, I don’t use my Indo Board while brushing my teeth. Three minutes is a very long time, but safety first.

The first book in a four-part series!

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Comments on: "SAFETY CAPTAIN" (1)

  1. You crack me up. I pick out my clothes, put my laptop in my bag, put on my rings all while using my electric toothbrush set at two minutes that I choose to cycle through twice because my OCD say 2 minutes is not nearly enough time….

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