Making lesbians happy – one book at a time!

ENCYCLOPEDIA BENNETT

Em came out of her black hole of a room with her new gauges in her ear. They’re neon pink and you can see through her ear lobes. I peered though. Layce’s head looks tiny on the other side. “How’d you get them in?” I asked.

I saw Layce roll her eyes and exhale heavily. It’s what she does when I’ve asked a question of that will inevitably require a long explanation.

Em launched into her explanation, “They didn’t come with instructions. I tried to put them in and they wouldn’t go so I looked it up on YouTube. Here, let me pull up the video and then you’ll know how to do it. You know, if you ever want to do it.”

I looked over at Layce who is hunkered down, intently reading, like her book is a blanket draped over her head, making her invisible. It didn’t work.

“Mom, you want to see it, too?” Em asked.

“No, Saxon can show me how if I ever have the desire to put see-through holes in my ears,” Layce replied.

Em pulled up the video and we watched it. It was very informative once the woman got around to telling us how to do it. I don’t have a lot of patience with blah, blah, blah, before you get to the actual learning experience.  Just get on with it. It must be the writer in me. I don’t need the YouTuber’s backstory. I want information, preferably in under 60 seconds.

“Now, watch me,” Em said, pulling one of the guages out.

“Oh, don’t do that, you just got them in,” I said.

“It’s okay. I’ll just watch the video again if I can’t do it,” Em said. She slipped it in perfectly.

“What did we do before YouTube? I mean, there was life before YouTube. How did we manage?” I asked.

“We looked stuff up in books. Or we talked to people and asked them how to do it. Sometimes you even had to get on your bike and go to the library,” Layce said.

Em looked horrified. It was archaic, almost savage in its suggestion. Leave the house to find stuff out? Have you lost your mind?

“Books were smart people’s YouTube,” I said. “We had an entire set of Encyclopedia Britannica. I remember the power of knowledge sitting neatly alphabetized and dusted on my parents’ bookcases. I was their custodian.”

encyclo

“Of course you were,” Layce said.

“They had faux leather covers and gold leaf edges. On their green spines they had one letter of the alphabet.  And one time when I allegedly took LSD, I watched the entire set condense into the letter “E” and, for the life of me, I have never been able to unlock the mystery of what the universe was trying to tell me.  That secret goes along with the two other secrets of the universe that I’d like to know.”

“Which are?” Layce asked.

“If time travels really exists and if there are aliens.”

“Good to know,” Layce said.

“What’s LSD?” Em said.

“It’s a laxative,” I replied. “A mind altering laxative.”

 

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Comments on: "ENCYCLOPEDIA BENNETT" (6)

  1. OMG. Thank y’all for those many laughs. Mind laxative indeed. E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e.

  2. Reblogged this on Auntwheezie's Blog and commented:
    I miss the library index cards

  3. askasantiago said:

    Brilliant ❗❗❗❗❗❗♾

  4. June Branson said:

    Your encyclopedia Bennett made me think of a family happening related to putting things in ears. MY sister, who you know well, had a friend of hers attempt an ear job on my sisters”
    ears. She arrived home much blooded . My dad was furious but decided he would have a nurse complete the ear operation safely. I as #2 in the family asked if I could get my ears done too.My Dad replied “if God wanted you to have holes on your ears, he would have put them there. That’s why I don’t wear earings Love your Blog,

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